My kids are in their 40's. They live in Georgia, I live in Wisconsin. I didn't get to raise them their entire childhood because I got out of a very abusive marriage to their dad with my life. He ultimately ended up with the kids; he had the money, the power and I was not strong enough to fight as hard as I needed to in order to keep them. I did have both of them living with me at different times during their teens and early 20's. I have been in recovery for alcoholism for 30 years, I put my daughter through treatment in her early 20's and offered many times to help my son get treatment, which he refused. My son is homeless, living in a tent year round, working off and on, has serious back issues due to a bad experience in a mosh pit, spends his time in bars and loves live music.
I have spent most of my life grieving and worrying about him and our relationship is very distant. This past winter I decided to look at my son's situation differently. Instead of trying to help him get resources to help himself. He said that he had tried everything I suggested but couldn't get any help. I don't know if that is true or just an excuse. I decided my "help" was looking more like criticism that concern, so I changed my thinking about the situation. I thought "how cool, he's living in a tent." It takes a lot of skills to live the lifestyle he has chosen for himself. I let him know how proud I was of him and his ability to survive and asked what I could do to help and he asked for boots and woolen socks.
Now, I am wondering if I am doing the right thing by accepting his situation. I'm confused because when I went through the Living by Design course you talk about taking care of ourselves first and loving ourselves first. Yet when I watch your shows, I wonder if I could be doing more to help him. I'm in my 70's, retired, alone and have few resources. I haven't seen him or his sister in over 7 years. I'm hoping that I can see them next spring. I'm hoping my son can make it another winter out there in his tent. Do you think it's too late?