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Now Is The Time To Be Happy: Living By Design Part One

Updated: May 18

Back by popular demand, Dr. Phil revisits how you can move from being right to being happy.

“Your life has a root core that, once understood, unlocks a powerful force to create your life the way it was meant to be, the way you want and need it to be,” says Dr. Phil.

In this episode, he’ll ask the key questions to help you begin your journey to "Living by Design."

Living By Design Playbook 2023

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What is the difference between authentic and fictional self?

When you're asked, "Who are you?" What is your answer?


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Who Are You? (Remember: The part of you "not" defined by your job, function, or role. It is the composite of all your skills, talents, and wisdom)

How did you get to be where you are?

What do I want?

What must I do to have it?

How would I feel when I have it?

So, what I "really" want is to feel________________(Phil in the Blank).

Are You Willing To Do The Work?

Listed below are a series of situations. Finish each of the sentences briefly, using as many descriptive terms as you can. Include emotions (sad, angry, hurt, happy, hopeful, scared, tense), physical reactions (tired, shaky, sweaty, hyped-up, weak-kneed, full of pep, headache), and thoughts (“I can’t do this,” “this should be fun,” “he doesn’t like me,” “she’ll probably say no,” “it’s my fault”).

1. When someone compliments my appearance, I . . .

2. When a family member criticizes something I do, I . . .

3. When I make a wrong turn on the road, I . . .

4. When I need to register a complaint with a business associate or vendor, I . . .

5. When a total stranger treats me badly, I . . .

6. When someone close to me successfully gets in shape, I . . .

7. When the service in a shop or restaurant is poor, I . . .

8. When someone does something special for me that they don’t have to do, I . . .

9. When I forget to do something I promised to do, I . . .

10. When my boss asks me to redo something at work, I . . .

What Is The Payoff?

Now that you’ve taken a first look at some of your typical reactions, I want you to go back and give them a second look. Put a star (*) next to every statement you’ve written above that could be categorized, either partially or wholly, as a negative assessment of yourself. In other words, what negative self-talk are you throwing at yourself in these situations? Once you’ve identified the negative internal dialogue, use the spaces below to answer this question about each of the situations in which you put yourself in a negative light: What do you get out of reacting with self-criticism?

This is what the payoff factor is all about. The low self-esteem acted out in your internal dialogue can be a handy excuse for choosing not to change, not to challenge yourself, not to step up to the plate. What’s the payoff for you?