How To Adapt To The New Rules Of Life: Living By Design Part Four
Updated: May 18
If you’ve been doing everything “by the book” and your life still isn’t where you want it to be, you need to tune in to this week’s Phil in the Blanks podcast. Dr. Phil teaches you how the world really works -- not how you wish it worked, not how it should work -- but how it really works. Become empowered to be a leader in your life and protect yourself and those you love.
“Life is a game, and you will either be a player or be the one played,” explains Dr. Phil. “Yesterday’s rules and expectations about relationships, emotions, and interacting just simply don’t apply anymore, not like they used to … and those who figure that out and adapt to the current world will have an incredible edge.”
Living By Design Playbook 2023 with Part 4
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THE EVIL EIGHT
You learned how to identify a BAITER (Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters, Reckless) and how to do a “life scan” and a “situation scan” to determine potential threats in your life and the lives of your loved ones. You discovered how to spot those in your life who are potential threats by “grading their paper” against the “Evil Eight” identifiers.
(Click the slideshow to expand and view)
THE EVIL EIGHT
You learned how to identify a BAITER (Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters, Reckless) and how to do a “life scan” and a “situation scan” to determine potential threats in your life and the lives of your loved ones. You discovered how to spot those in your life who are potential threats by “grading their paper” against the “Evil Eight” identifiers.
Arrogant Entitlement
Lack of Empathy
No Remorse
Irresponsible/Self-Destructive
Thrive on Drama
Brag about Outsmarting
Short-Term Relationships
Fantasy World/Delusional
EXERCISE: Answer the questions below to see if you can relate and identify:
-Do they see the world through a lens of arrogant entitlement and frequently treat people as targets?
Yes or No?
How and why?
Do they lack empathy?
Yes or No?
How and why?
-Are they incapable of feeling remorse/guilt and failing to learn from situation to situation?
Yes or No?
How and why?
-Are they irresponsible and self-destructive, and do they disregard the well-being of others?
Yes or No?
How and why?
-Do they brag about outsmarting other people?
Yes or No?
How and why?
-Do they have a pattern of short-term relationships?
Yes or No?
How and why?
-Do they live in a fantasy world, marked by delusion?
Yes or No?
How and why?
-Do they thrive on drama and crisis?
Yes or No?
How and why?
THE NEFARIOUS 15
The “Nefarious 15” are the 15 most nefarious tactics, behaviors, or strategies BAITERS will use to get to you, hurt you, and take what is yours.
Infiltrate Your Life
Create Conspiratorial Conflict
Depend On Your Approval
Build A File
Misdirect and Obfuscate
Blame Others
Lie
Frauds/Cheaters
Isolate Victims
Abuse Authority
Press Hot Buttons
Revisionist Of History
Two-faced/Gossip
Paranoid
Passive-Aggressive
EXERCISE: These are the best ways to identify the personality traits of a BAITER:
-They infiltrate your life, seducing you with promises and flattery.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-They define you as a conspiratorial confidant.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why
-They are too focused on getting your approval- as though their very existence depends on your acceptance of them.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-They are constantly gathering data and “building a file” on you. Everything they do, every interaction, is for a purpose.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-They consistently misdirect and maintain a mystery about who they really are; they answer questions that weren’t asked; they obfuscate.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-When confronted with problems, they always blame others.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-They lie, either by misstatement or by omission; they understand that lies with a kernel of truth are the most powerful.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-They isolate their victims and foster dependency to obligate them and gain leverage and power.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-When in a position of power and authority, they abuse it with self-dealing and egomaniacal conduct.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-They identify your sensitivities and hot buttons to gain leverage.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-They have “selective memory” and are revisionist historians; they reframe reality. Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-They are two-faced; they spread lies and gossip- pretending to be your friend and ally to give you a false sense of security while being disloyal.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-Because they are paranoid, they “get you” before you “get them”. Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
-They are masters of passive-aggressive sabotage.
Does this apply to you?
Who? How/Why?
Recognize Potential Threats
In the chart below, write down the people in your current life who you fear are out to sabotage you or take what is yours and leave you in the dust. Next, write down which of the “Nefarious 15” they are attempting to use against you. It could be one, or it could be several.
POTENTIAL BAITER | NEFARIOUS TACTIC USED |
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The Treasure of You
Pay special attention to whether this list is harder to fill out than the list of your shortcomings and problem areas on the next page. I am betting you can more quickly pinpoint your negative attributes for they tend to get more airtime. You spend more time thinking about what is wrong with you than what is right with you.
EXERCISE: Write down the things you love the most about yourself. These can be your natural talents, acquired skills, or innate abilities.
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3 | |
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5 | |
6 | |
7 | |
8 | |
ACKNOWLEDGE NEGATIVE ATTRIBUTES
Write down the things you don’t like about yourself and are different to acknowledge:
1 | |
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3 | |
4 | |
5 | |
6 | |
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8 | |
SEVEN KEY STRATEGIES FOR ATTAINING YOUR GOAL
1. Express your goal in terms of specific events or behaviors. (For example, “My goal is to actively return to college in a degree program.”) I want: 2. Express your goal in terms that can be measured. (Take six hours per night of school or online semester until the degree is secured.) Specifically, that means:
3. Assign a timeline to your goal. (Complete six hours by next May. Degree by the end of the sixth semester.) My realistic timeline is: 4. Choose a goal you can control. (Attending college works here.) The circumstances I can control in achieving this goal are:
5. Plan and program, a strategy that will get you to your goal. (Make sure you have the money, time, and access. Set up a schedule realistically.) Potential obstacles are: Resources required are: 6. Define your goal in terms of steps. (Choose a school, apply for admission, select your courses, and so on.) The necessary steps are:
7. Create accountability for your progress toward your goal: (“My sister will call me once a week to make sure I’ve taken steps in the past seven days toward obtaining my college degree.”)
I will create accountability by:
We’re not finished yet! Now write the answer to this imperative question:
How will you feel when you obtain your goal?
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