The Truly Dangerous People In Your Life (Part 8)
Dr. Phil continues his “Toxic Personalities in the Real World” series where he takes the narcissistic, borderline and antisocial personality disorders and rolls them into one.
“The truly dangerous people in your life,” Dr. Phil says. “It’s time to clean house.”
Learn about BAITERS, EVIL 8, and strategies for you to win when you have sharks in your life. Also, Dr. Phil answers questions from the series.
This series addresses mental health disorders; how to recognize them, establish boundaries, and how to coexist with those in your life who may have it with tools and guidelines that can help minimize damage to oneself and loved ones.
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Identify the BAITERs (Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters and/or Reckless people) through the “Evil Eight” Identifiers.
"The first thing you've got to do is, you truly have to believe yourself,"
"Call it gut feeling, intuition, instinct, whatever -- when you get that feeling, that should send off bells.
“Listen, listen, listen, listen."
Even those who are able to listen to their instincts and initially cut ties with users and abusers can still find themselves sucked back into that familiar, toxic world.
"People write me and say, 'I've been divorced for, like, nine months. We went out to dinner and I really miss him...'" ---
"No, you don't. You miss who you wish he had been. You miss the man you wish you were married to, not the man you were married to."
Making this important distinction is key in helping you stand your ground in a breakup
It can be difficult to unlearn the habits that kept you around the toxic person in the first place.
"We romanticize and we fill in all the gaps,"
"It's like [looking] up at the Big Dipper -- there's no Big Dipper up there;
Fill in the gaps to make it the Big Dipper.
The bigger gap you're having to fill, the bigger problem you've got."
The EVIL 8: Answer YES, NO, HOW and WHY to the questions below to see if you can relate and identify:
Do they see the world through a lens of arrogant entitlement and frequently treat people as targets?
Do they lack empathy?
Are they incapable of feeling remorse/guilt and fail to learn from situation to situation?
Are they irresponsible and self-destructive, and do they disregard the well-being of others?
Do they thrive on drama and crisis?
Do they brag about outsmarting other people?
Do they have a pattern of short-term relationships?
Do they live in a fantasy world, marked by delusion?
The “Nefarious 15”
The “Nefarious 15” are the 15 most nefarious “tactics,” behaviors, or strategies BAITERS will use to “get to you,” hurt you and take what is yours. These are the best ways to identify the personality traits of a BAITER:
They infiltrate your life, seducing you with promises and flattery.
They define you as a conspiratorial confidant.
They are way too focused on getting your approval- as though their very existence depends on your accepting them.
They are always gathering data and “building a file” on you. Everything they do, every interaction, is for a purpose.
They consistently misdirect and maintain a mystery about who they are; they answer questions that weren’t asked; they obfuscate.
When confronted with problems, they always blame others.
They lie, either by misstatement or by omission; they understand that lies with a kernel of truth are the most powerful.
They are frauds; they cheat, and steal property, information, and credit for other people’s work and claim false competencies to gain trust and reliance.
They isolate their victims and foster dependency to obligate you and gain leverage and power.
When in a position of power and authority, they abuse it with self-dealing and egomaniacal conduct.
They ID your sensitivities and hot buttons to gain leverage.
They have “selective memory” and are revisionist historians; they reframe reality.
They are two-faced; they spread lies and gossip- pretending to be your friend and ally to give you a false sense of security while being disloyal.
Because they are paranoid, they “get you” before you “get them”.
They are masters of passive-aggressive sabotage.
Recognize Potential Threats
Write down the people in your current life who you fear are out to sabotage you or take what is yours and leave you in the dust.
Next, write down which of the “Nefarious 15” they’re attempting to use against you. It could be one, or it could be several.
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I want you to have current information. I'm not asking you to diagnose people. I want you to say, "bingo, red flag. I need to be cautious about this." - Dr. Phil
What Is Antisocial Personality Disorder
A. There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following: having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.
1. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest.
2. Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure. 3. Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.
4. Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults.
5. Reckless disregard for safety of self or others.
6. Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations.
7. Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing.
The essential features of a personality disorder are impairments in personality (self and interpersonal) functioning and the presence of pathological personality traits. To diagnose antisocial personality disorder, the following criteria must be met:
A. Significant impairments in personality functioning manifest by:
1. Impairments in self-functioning (a or b):
a. Identity: Ego-centrism; self-esteem derived from personal gain, power, or pleasure.
b. Self-direction: Goal-setting based on personal gratification; absence of prosocial internal standards associated with failure to conform to lawful or culturally normative ethical behavior.
AND
2. Impairments in interpersonal functioning (a or b):
a. Empathy: Lack of concern for feelings, needs, or suffering of others; lack of remorse after hurting or mistreating another.
b. Intimacy: Incapacity for mutually intimate relationships, as exploitation is a primary means of relating to others, including by deceit and coercion; use of dominance or intimidation to control others.
B. The individual is at least age 18 years.
C. There is evidence of Conduct Disorder with onset before age 15 years.
D. The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of Schizophrenia or a Manic Episode.
(Source DSM 5)
Resources:
Surrounded by Idiots: Do you ever think you’re the only one making any sense? Or tried to reason with your partner with disastrous results? Do long, rambling answers drive you crazy? Or does your colleague’s abrasive manner rub you the wrong way?
Surrounded by Idiots is an international phenomenon, selling over 1.5 million copies worldwide. It offers a simple, yet ground-breaking method for assessing the personalities of people we communicate with – in and out of the office – based on four personality types (Red, Blue, Green and Yellow), and provides insights into how we can adjust the way we speak and share information.
I'm OK, You're Not OK: Experiences of Having a Loved One with a Personality Disorder: Does it ever feel like someone in your family drains you dry? Does it feel like no matter what you do, or how much, it will never be right or enough? Whether the person is your parent, child, spouse, or sibling, this priceless new guide by Linda S. Budd, PhD, will help to find ways to break the cycle you’re currently in. This groundbreaking new book discusses what it’s like to have a loved one with a personality disorder and enlightens us to the games that those with such disorders play. Although they think it’s for survival, oftentimes, sufferers of personality disorders utilize triangulation, projection, and “no talk” that can quickly become part of a family system and impact everyone involved.
Gaslighting & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Recover from Emotional Abuse, Recognize Narcissists & Manipulators and Break Free Once and for All: In Gaslighting & Narcissistic Abuse Recovery, you will discover:
The sneaky tactics gaslighters employ that catch you off-guard and make you more vulnerable to their exploitation
How to hold on to your grip on reality, despite the gaslighter’s efforts to undermine it
Powerful ways to respond to gaslighters, block their attacks, and take back control of the conversation
Why self-care is a critical component in coping with abuse, especially if you need to regularly interact with a gaslighter
The shift in mindset to help you finally gain the courage to escape an abusive relationship
What you need to do after leaving a gaslighting relationship to make sure you don’t fall into the same cycle again
Why you shouldn’t expect any closure from your abuser, and why you can still move on without it
How to rebuild your sense of self after years of being torn down by others
And much more.
Where Can I Find Help?
Mental Health Treatment Locator
For more information, resources, and research on mental illnesses, visit the NIMH website at http://www.nimh.nih.gov. The National Library of Medicine’s MedlinePlus website (https://medlineplus.gov/) also has information on a wide variety of mental disorders.
For general information on mental health and to locate treatment services, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) Treatment Referral Helpline at 1–800–662–HELP (4357). SAMHSA also has a Behavioral Health Treatment Locator on its website (https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov) that can be searched by location.
For More Information
To learn more information about borderline personality disorder, visit:
Medline Plus (National Library of Medicine) http://medlineplus.gov (En espanol: http://medlineplus.gov/spanish)
For information on clinical trials, visit: ClinicalTrials.gov: http://www.clinicaltrials.gov (En espanol: http://salud.nih.gov/investigacion-clinica/)
For more information on conditions that affect mental health, resources, and research, visit the NIMH website (http://www.nimh.nih.gov).
National Institute of Mental Health Office of Science Policy, Planning, and Communications Science Writing, Press, and Dissemination Branch 6001 Executive Boulevard Room 6200, MSC 9663 Bethesda, MD 20892-9663 Phone: 301–443–4513 or 1–866–615–NIMH (6464) toll-free TTY: 301–443–8431 or 1–866–415–8051 toll-free FAX: 301–443–4279 E-mail: nimhinfo@nih.gov Website: www.nimh.nih.gov U.S. DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH & HUMAN SERVICES National Institutes of Health National Institute of Mental Health NIH Publication No. QF 17-4928
Additional Videos:
Warning Signs of Suicide
Borderline personality disorder is associated with a significantly higher rate of self-harm and suicidal behavior than the general public. Knowing the warning signs for suicide and how to get help can help save lives. https://go.usa.gov/xVCyZ #shareNIMH
Psychopath vs Malignant Narcissist
Narcissistic Tactics