The Truly Dangerous People In Your Life (Part 8)
Dr. Phil continues his “Toxic Personalities in the Real World” series where he takes the narcissistic, borderline and antisocial personality disorders and rolls them into one.
“The truly dangerous people in your life,” Dr. Phil says. “It’s time to clean house.”
Learn about BAITERS, EVIL 8, and strategies for you to win when you have sharks in your life. Also, Dr. Phil answers questions from the series.
This series addresses mental health disorders; how to recognize them, establish boundaries, and how to coexist with those in your life who may have it with tools and guidelines that can help minimize damage to oneself and loved ones.
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Identify the BAITERs (Backstabbers, Abusers, Imposters, Takers, Exploiters and/or Reckless people) through the “Evil Eight” Identifiers.
"The first thing you've got to do is, you truly have to believe yourself,"
"Call it gut feeling, intuition, instinct, whatever -- when you get that feeling, that should send off bells.
“Listen, listen, listen, listen."
Even those who are able to listen to their instincts and initially cut ties with users and abusers can still find themselves sucked back into that familiar, toxic world.
"People write me and say, 'I've been divorced for, like, nine months. We went out to dinner and I really miss him...'" ---
"No, you don't. You miss who you wish he had been. You miss the man you wish you were married to, not the man you were married to."
Making this important distinction is key in helping you stand your ground in a breakup
It can be difficult to unlearn the habits that kept you around the toxic person in the first place.
"We romanticize and we fill in all the gaps,"
"It's like [looking] up at the Big Dipper -- there's no Big Dipper up there;
Fill in the gaps to make it the Big Dipper.
The bigger gap you're having to fill, the bigger problem you've got."
The EVIL 8: Answer YES, NO, HOW and WHY to the questions below to see if you can relate and identify:
Do they see the world through a lens of arrogant entitlement and frequently treat people as targets?
Do they lack empathy?
Are they incapable of feeling remorse/guilt and fail to learn from situation to situation?
Are they irresponsible and self-destructive, and do they disregard the well-being of others?
Do they thrive on drama and crisis?
Do they brag about outsmarting other people?
Do they have a pattern of short-term relationships?
Do they live in a fantasy world, marked by delusion?
The “Nefarious 15”
The “Nefarious 15” are the 15 most nefarious “tactics,” behaviors, or strategies BAITERS will use to “get to you,” hurt you and take what is yours. These are the best ways to identify the personality traits of a BAITER:
They infiltrate your life, seducing you with promises and flattery.
They define you as a conspiratorial confidant.
They are way too focused on getting your approval- as though their very existence depends on your accepting them.
They are always gathering data and “building a file” on you. Everything they do, every interaction, is for a purpose.
They consistently misdirect and maintain a mystery about who they are; they answer questions that weren’t asked; they obfuscate.
When confronted with problems, they always blame others.
They lie, either by misstatement or by omission; they understand that lies with a kernel of truth are the most powerful.
They are frauds; they cheat, and steal property, information, and credit for other people’s work and claim false competencies to gain trust and reliance.
They isolate their victims and foster dependency to obligate you and gain leverage and power.
When in a position of power and authority, they abuse it with self-dealing and egomaniacal conduct.
They ID your sensitivities and hot buttons to gain leverage.
They have “selective memory” and are revisionist historians; they reframe reality.
They are two-faced; they spread lies and gossip- pretending to be your friend and ally to give you a false sense of security while being disloyal.
Because they are paranoid, they “get you” before you “get them”.
They are masters of passive-aggressive sabotage.
Recognize Potential Threats
Write down the people in your current life who you fear are out to sabotage you or take what is yours and leave you in the dust.
Next, write down which of the “Nefarious 15” they’re attempting to use against you. It could be one, or it could be several.
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I want you to have current information. I'm not asking you to diagnose people. I want you to say, "bingo, red flag. I need to be cautious about this." - Dr. Phil
What Is Antisocial Personality Disorder
A. There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following: having hurt, mistreated, or stolen f